string_theory | (no subject)

(no subject)

Underground. He hated it. The walls felt too cold and the ceilings too low, the air too stale and the people around him too... confusing. He had no idea who to trust or if he could ever trust anyone again but himself - though even then he doubted himself. There were days when kindness challenged the tumbling mess of memories in his mind full of nightmares and images he was unable to separate from fantasy or reality.

He had lashed out at Katniss more times than he could count and although the shackles strapped to his body at night helped him stay in bed, they did not help him sleep in peace. Why was he even here? Why had they saved him? Especially her... She had looked so happy to see him yet all he could think about was the pain and suffering she had caused so many people.

The violent thoughts had calmed somewhat after the wedding, but they would still poke at his mind every now and then, tempting him. He still trusted no one.

Yet here he was now, guarded constantly and chained, but able to walk out of his room at least. He was headed down a corridor out of the wing that held the hospital rooms, not sure where he was going really... just anywhere that had better air. The guard following close behind was a constant reminder of his current state of mind, though a part of him was whispering that it was probably best like this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

He didn't look away from her until his vision grew blurry and out of focus from the onslaught of headaches. He had to close his eyes as the guard took him all the way back to his room. So much for a bit of freedom.

[[aiodhasiodha *blushing~* ♥ I also figured Coin would want her to talk to him in a more contained area after that, thus somehow forcing them together again. Or wherever the flow takes us fff.]]

Katniss had no idea what this "special" training was, but she hadn't enjoyed the glint in Coin's eyes when she was assigning it.

It was way too familiar for comfort. First time Coin had reminded her of a snake.

The soldiers lead her down. Way down. Down where her prep team had been kept, at least, maybe deeper. A wall, what she thought was a wall, suddenly opened before them into a dark, large area. Before she could open her mouth to ask anything, she was shoved forward, stumbling to her knees, and the door hiss closed behind her.

"What the hell..." She looked up, eyes trying to adjust to the dim light after the stark white of the hallway.

Peeta had been here for at least an hour already, completely alone. The darkness and eerie silence had left him shaking and curled up in a ball against a wall, memories of being tortured surfacing in small snippets. His hands were still in cuffs yet the guards who brought him here had done nothing else to bind him, simply telling him to wait.

Like he could do anything else.

His palms were pressed to his eyes when the wall opened and the brightest light he had not seen for a full hour shone inside the room. It was gone in a second though and he immediately recognized the voice of the person who now joined him. Why her?

"You..." he breathed out lowly, looking up at her from his place against the far wall. "Why are you here?"

Edited 2012-06-06 17:25 (UTC)

Oh.

Well, this was exactly the best plan of action ever. What the hell kind of training was this suppose to be? Peeta wanted to kill her, she wanted...well, she didn't know what she wanted.

But it wasn't this.

Scooting back against the wall, she squeezed her eyes shut, trying to adjust to the dim light, and keep calm, and hope Peeta was calm enough that this 10 seconds of adjusting wouldn't get her killed.

"Peeta." She swallowed, trying to keep down her heart rate, keep calm. "I...I don't know why I'm here."

He began to stand, using the wall as support as he slid up it on his side, eyes forever trained on her. He fluctuated between trusting her and not just as much as she did at this point.

"Was it Coin? She put me here without explanation."

"Yeah. Yeah, she said it was for special training."

She opened her eyes, and they adjusted to the low, yellow light. And Katniss felt her stomach drop, her heart start racing. It had nothing to do with Peeta.

The low ceiling, the warm, weak yellow light, the darkness trailing away and filling up corners. And they were so deep underground. And she suddenly knew she was going to die here, buried in the earth and the dark just like her father.

Her breathing was coming rapidly, and she knew she needed to calm down, she was being ridiculous, but she couldn't grab on to anything. She certainly couldn't grab on to Peeta.

The presence of another person - despite it being her - actually calmed Peeta down moreso than when he was alone. Even though he hardly trusted her, at least he knew the darkness held something else living and breathing. Breathing rather hard, actually...

He frowned to himself, still keeping his distance as he watched her, and some part buried deep inside forced him to hesitantly ask: "Are you okay?"

"I don't like...don't like being underground."

Still, the sound of Peeta's voice helped ground her. They weren't in a mine. She knew how structurally sound District 13 was. It has stood up to a bombing, it wasn't going to suddenly collapse around her ears. Taking deep breaths, she sorted through her mind, focusing on all the difference between this and a mine. Well made, cool air, smooth walls, a room, there was a whole facility right outside the door. A facility full of their loved ones who would noticed if they just vanished. No mining equipment. No miners. No canaries.

She lowered her hands, looking up towards him.

"I'm...ok. I'm ok."

He didn't want to admit to the slight relief that washed over him knowing that Katniss was okay. He wasn't supposed to be relieved. He was supposed to have taken advantage of the critical moment when she was disoriented and snapped her neck when he had the chance...

He had to close his eyes at that. A dull throb had started on the left sight of his temple.

"Think they left us here to kill each other off?" He asked yet had a feeling that was what was expected of them. Somehow.

Her stomach sank as he said that.

Because as soon as he said it, she was fairly certain that was exactly it. Coin got rid of the Mockingjay, and what a propo "Capitol twist star-crossed lover into murder/suicide" would make. She didn't think anyone would doubt the story that she had sought Peeta out...he lost control...

"...I think they did."

The slow realization made him laugh a bit under his breath, though the sound was hardly genuinely amused.

"Like our own little Games right in this room."

Though he didn't make a step toward her yet, eyes remaining glued onto her figure across the room.

"Well I'm not playing."

If things were different, she'd go sit next to him. Hold his hand. Lean against him and listen to his heart beat. The one sound in the world that seemed to calm her down.

Instead they sat on opposite sides of this room, wound tight, staring at each other.

Peeta's eyes narrowed suspiciously at her response. Although he knew they had held normal, non-violent conversations before, he had convinced himself that those moments were all a set up by her to get him to like her. That wouldn't happen.

Even though... Even though some memories of her weren't shiny.

"And what if I do? Not going to defend yourself?"

She went very quite, her mind of a roof top, centuries ago.

Peeta, saying he'd kill, but he wouldn't let them change him.

Change him. The thing he didn't want, more than not dying. And this is what they'd done to him. Changed every bit of them.

And she was suddenly exhausted, worn down with how unfair it all way. Overwhelmed.

Finally she managed a shrug.

"...maybe."

"Well that's reassuring," he muttered more to himself than anything, unaware of her thoughts and motives. Hell, he wasn't exactly sure of his own. Did he really want to kill her? The urges had been going away more and more, and when they had let him be a part of the wedding he finally thought... they were letting him get better, feel more stable and normal.

But now this.

She snorted, her mouth moving before she had time to think why.

"Are you hoping I'll fight you, or that I won't?"

She regretted it as soon as she said. Because her first thought was guilt, that of course Peeta wouldn't want her to not fight. The same guilt she felt when she turned her arrow on him at the end of their games.

And then her second was another wave of whatever it was that made her feel heavy and her stomach raw. Because he did want to fight her. He wanted to kill her. She shrunk down against the wall farther.

He took the question as a threat in his current state, rubbing his wrists raw against the metal binds that held them without even realizing it. He was still watching her carefully, dull blue eyes glaring with such mistrust.

"I don't trust you not to if it came down to it. You're a killer already, why stop now?"

"I'm a fighter, not a killer." She snarled.

And she would never kill Peeta. Even if he attacked her. Even if he asked. Not just for Peeta. Maybe not for Peeta at all, a sneaky little voice said.

But she wouldn't let their little plan to ruin the two of them win. She wouldn't let the Capitol, or, apparently, District 13 trap her into that.

"And there's a difference?" Beyond the Games, beyond what was supposed to be the truth where his mind was stuck in a confused state of knowing and unknowing, he couldn't believe her. He was told what she had done. The reason they were stuck down here and not in Twelve, not home. He knew. He knew. Didn't he?

Then why wasn't that memory shiny? Why didn't it make him feel from his heart and his gut?

The doubt was only angering him further and he bit into his cheek, breathing getting quicker. "You've killed innocent people... people who... didn't have to fight back. That's not just fighting!"

"I've never killed anyone I was pitted against in a death arena!" Her voice was rising. Frustration with him, with herself...the guilt of the people she didn't kill, not with her own hands, but who were gone because of her.

"Them, those people who have you all twisted up. They are the ones who make us killed. And you're believing them!"

"They know more about you than you think! You won't even... admit to it." His hands were feeling twitchy again, gripping the chain holding them together tightly. "One day you're being nice to me, the next you look at me like I'm crazy..." Hah, a bit of laughter there, not holding an ounce of actual amusement behind it. "You call me a friend but you look at me like a stranger. Your eyes say more than you can ever hide."

"Because...because..." She tried to find a way to explain this. It all made sense in her head, and she couldn't see how it didn't make sense to him. But every time she opened her mouth to speak, everything just came tripping out wrong.

"You're...you're one of the most important people to me, but I get close to you and your try to strangle me. How could I not be confused how to look at you?"

Yeah, that summed it up.

Important? Him? That had to be just another lie. Then why did he want to believe her?

Her words shut him up for a long, tense moment, still watching her through the dim light of the room but maybe with a little less... glare. That calmer part of his mind was begging him to listen again and he didn't know what to do in this moment. Peeta knew they were being watched...

"How am I important?"

Looking over at him, she pressed her lips together, considering. Like that was an easy question? If she had a nice, neat answer for how Peeta was important to her, a good chunk of the discord in her personal life could be something she worried about far less.

"It's not that easy a question to answer." Especially when the wrong answer might ruin everything. "You're..."

The only person I trust.

It wasn't true. But he was, maybe the only person she trusted on all front. Though, with what the capitol had done...was became the key phrase. And she didn't think he'd understand that.

"You...before, you knew what we went through. You knew...me. Understood things I couldn't...say." This all sounded stupid, even as she said it, she knew it, but the right words just weren't coming. "We were...safe together. It was the only time we were safe."

"... Safe." He repeats, sounding skeptical but genuinely confused at the same time. How could he have ever felt safe with a person he was supposed to hate? He had brief flashes of dream-like memories about her, of moments together he couldn't comprehend yet felt so real. Is that what she meant? Were those actually true?

Blond brows knit in frustration as he looked downward finally, away from her. He wasn't sure what more to say at that.

no subject

~a few days later.

Re: ~a few days later.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Paying you back for that teal;dear

I always love it :3