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Underground. He hated it. The walls felt too cold and the ceilings too low, the air too stale and the people around him too... confusing. He had no idea who to trust or if he could ever trust anyone again but himself - though even then he doubted himself. There were days when kindness challenged the tumbling mess of memories in his mind full of nightmares and images he was unable to separate from fantasy or reality.

He had lashed out at Katniss more times than he could count and although the shackles strapped to his body at night helped him stay in bed, they did not help him sleep in peace. Why was he even here? Why had they saved him? Especially her... She had looked so happy to see him yet all he could think about was the pain and suffering she had caused so many people.

The violent thoughts had calmed somewhat after the wedding, but they would still poke at his mind every now and then, tempting him. He still trusted no one.

Yet here he was now, guarded constantly and chained, but able to walk out of his room at least. He was headed down a corridor out of the wing that held the hospital rooms, not sure where he was going really... just anywhere that had better air. The guard following close behind was a constant reminder of his current state of mind, though a part of him was whispering that it was probably best like this.

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When she was dumped in here, she would have been sure it was to kill them off.

Now...less so. Because this was actually getting them somewhere.

"Extreme therapy?"

A small smile formed at that. Somewhat bitter. "Probably a way to get me to not hurt you."

Sure, stick the crazy guy into a secluded area with the one person he most wants to harm. That'll work!

Somehow it did, for now anyway.

"I doubt they think I'm as unchanged as you do though."

"Well who's right then? How changed are you?"

She had once heard the best way to get a gauge for a persons mental state was to figure out how aware of their situation they were.

Then again, she didn't know how aware of Peeta's situation she was, to compare.

He frowned, brows furrowing again in thought. "My memories are all... screwed up but I understand that now. I know some things aren't as they used to be." It had taken a while for him to comprehend that much, even though he still had his flares of anger. "But I still don't understand a lot that I probably should. Like you... and 'us.' Whatever that means."

A shrug then, his train of thought starting to confuse himself too.

"Maybe I'm still the Peeta you knew somewhere inside but I'll probably never be like that fully again."

"...you can always ask me, you know. I know me telling you I'll tell you the truth doesn't mean too much, but...I will."

She considered the last bit of what he said for a long moment, before speaking again. "We are whatever we make ourselves to be. And you are you."

If Katniss had been honest with him all this time, he pitied her. He felt guilty that this had to happen to both of them, especially someone as... nice as her who gave him odd, warm feelings inside no matter how angry he was. She didn't deserve to hang on to someone who was so clearly broken. It would probably be better for everyone if he was dead. Even he knew he couldn't handle this forever.

After listening to her, he closed his eyes, mind looking for something he could ask. There was one memory that had been popping up ever since the wedding, when he couldn't help but think about her the whole night.

"I keep thinking of... something like... a pearl. I keep seeing me giving it to you. Is that real?"

The pearl. Her pearl. It was sitting up in her room, safe in it's little bag, and she suddenly wished she had it. So she could roll it between her fingers and let it calm her down.

So she could show it to him.

"You found it. In the arena, in one of the shellfish we ate. I...I still have it up strairs." She flushed. He couldn't know, from that, that rolling that pearl around her hands, holding it against her lips was all that got her to sleep some nights.

"I see..."

Peeta wasn't sure how much he trusted her but the story seemed as legitimate as he could make of it. What reason would she have to lie about something like that anyway? A stupid pearl. He must have thought it was pretty and she'd want it rather than throwing it away.

Or something.

"That's a weird memory to have but I guess it was important once."

Oh. Ouch.

Swallowing heavily, she found another spot to pick at, nervously. She could keep her hands steady to sink an arrow through anything, but not to have a conversation.

"It...we knew it was probably one of the last times we'd be together."

Maybe if he was able to see it one day he could piece the memories together better. If it was that important...

He frowned slightly, watching her fidget and stumble over her words. Was she that good of an actress?

Slowly then, he began to stand once more, a bit wobbly on his feet at first but once he was able to regain his balance, he stepped closer to her. One, two, five steps closer... the size of the room becoming evident as he neared her quicker than desired. When he was directly in front of Katniss he hesitated... before sitting down again, cross-legged and tense but there, still watching her hands.

"Is that why you kept it?"

The urge to scoot away was strong, and she had to steel herself not to.

Peeta was...intimidating. Something he had never been before. But looking up at him, all she could think about was how much bigger he was than her. How trapped she was in here, if she had said the wrong thing...she had no idea how, though...

And then he sat down near her, and she felt that same stab of guilt.Because she always thought the worse, and he always gave her the best. Even when out of his mind.

"I was sure you were dead. All I had was that, and your token...it was a locket with my mom, and Prim, and Gale, and you gave it to me to remind me of w-what I needed to get out of the arena for because both of us had decided to save the other, and when I got here, what I had from the arena was all I had, and it was all I had of you a-and..." She trailed off, realizing she was rambling, and focused on her hands again. And not on how close he was.

That annoying voice was back again, telling him to comfort her, hold her hands or wrap his arms around her and tell her it was going to be okay, that he'd get better. But he didn't listen. He knew the moment he tried Katniss would use that weakness as an advantage and hurt him in some way, perhaps even kill him. No, he'd just... stay here for now.

His wrists subtly pressed against the hard metal of his cuffs again, the action soothing him. He was listening to every word she said but he couldn't help notice the way she was saying it, so different than before.

"You're... scared."

She shrugged.

"I have trust issues."

It was the simplest answer. The truest. She didn't want to make him feel... uncomfortable, upset but...she had promised not to lie.

"I'm not going to kill you," he said simply, meant to be comforting yet it just came out strange, didn't it? "That will just give them more reason to kill me off too."

You'd be better off dead, Peeta.

Weirdly, that cool logic of that made her feel safer than relying on his fickle mental temperature towards her.

"That...is actual a good call." She loosened up, looking up at him. "And, uh...just in case you didn't know, I won't be killing you any time soon."

Maybe if she looked hard enough, she could see the tiniest twitch of a smile at that.

"Good... to know."

Possibly, there was a curl at the edge of her lips too.

"Same."

And here they were. Close together, trapped in a dark place. And really, compared to before, this was a far more hopeful situation. Put in that context...Katniss felt a bit silly being so jumpy.

The darkness was something Peeta did not appreciate. It further skewed their sense of time and alertness, both of which were important to him.

"I wonder how much longer we'll have to be in here." We bonded a bit and played nice, I'm not yelling anymore, isn't that what you want?

"Do you think they're even watching? Or do you think they just tossed us in here and were going to come see who was still here in the morning?"

She scowled, still not sure if she trusted 13's motives behind this.

Really, he wouldn't put it past them to have done just what she suggested. Even though the people of 13 had taken them in, it didn't mean they were to be trusted in the least bit. President Coin made even Peeta feel uneasy, especially in his hijacked state. It was too organized down here. Too... cold. A part of him missed the fresh air of the outdoors in District 12. He missed the mundane routine of baking, even if it was with his mother. He missed the feelings he had when they let him decorate the wedding cake. Warm. Like home.

He missed feeling.

When he glanced around the dark room and saw nothing but betrayal, the bitterness inside of him only grew. Katniss was the only warm thing here, albeit faint.

"I really wouldn't trust them not to, Katniss." A slight twitch of his hands when he said her name. "I bet they're not even letting Haymitch watch over us."

For some reason, even thought the thought hadn't occurred to her before, it made her feel...anxious. Without thinking, she leaned towards him.

"I'm not planning on it. Trusting them."

The movement was so natural he didn't react at first, too preoccupied with what they were discussing.

"They rely on you though... You're her... symbol."

Even though he was the way he was, he still heard things. And Haymitch helped more than he cared to admit.

"And I'd be an even better martyr. Do you know how much it would give them for their damn propos if they could report that," She put on a fake voice, "The Capitol brain washed her lover and he brutally murdered her, look what they did to their beautiful love story."

She sighed, looking down and trying to push away how true and disgusting that made her feel.

"You have no idea how much those people out there care about us. About our story. I had people crying when they found out I 'lost the baby'."

He looked a little confused for a moment. Baby?

"You were... pregnant?" His voice caught a bit at his throat, slight panic as memories became jumbled and he couldn't quite piece them together. "I... We... A-A baby?!"

... If only he could smooth out the details on his own. This was certainly traumatizing.

What? Oh...oh god.

She moved forward, reaching out to grab his shoulders as she would her mother, trying to focus him. How could she have said something so stupid? She wasn't even thinking...her heart dropped at the thought of what must be running through his head.

"No, Peeta no...I wasn't pregnant. There wasn't really a baby."

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sobs sorry Katniss

:(

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