Peeta "was also on fire" Mellark (
bakersson) wrote in
string_theory2012-06-04 12:10 am
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Underground. He hated it. The walls felt too cold and the ceilings too low, the air too stale and the people around him too... confusing. He had no idea who to trust or if he could ever trust anyone again but himself - though even then he doubted himself. There were days when kindness challenged the tumbling mess of memories in his mind full of nightmares and images he was unable to separate from fantasy or reality.
He had lashed out at Katniss more times than he could count and although the shackles strapped to his body at night helped him stay in bed, they did not help him sleep in peace. Why was he even here? Why had they saved him? Especially her... She had looked so happy to see him yet all he could think about was the pain and suffering she had caused so many people.
The violent thoughts had calmed somewhat after the wedding, but they would still poke at his mind every now and then, tempting him. He still trusted no one.
Yet here he was now, guarded constantly and chained, but able to walk out of his room at least. He was headed down a corridor out of the wing that held the hospital rooms, not sure where he was going really... just anywhere that had better air. The guard following close behind was a constant reminder of his current state of mind, though a part of him was whispering that it was probably best like this.
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Sorry she didn't mean to bring up such a sensitive subject. But that didn't seem right to say, somehow.
"We'll figure it out when we get there."
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She shivered a little at the patterns his finger was making on her knee, swallowing heavily.
"Well...we'll have to figure things out eventually." That seemed noncommittal enough.
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She shifted, sinking down a little so they could be face to face again. But not pulling away. And not moving her knee. At all.
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He kept drawing slow circles, smaller and smaller only to increase in size again; rinse and repeat, not saying another word but just staying relaxed like this.
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She knew how patterns, repetition, that sort of thing could focus your mind. And besides the tickling, it felt nice.
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"Do you want to sleep?"
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"No but I feel tired..."
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It was teasing, but she was worried a bit. How long had they been down here? And they hadn't gotten any food yet.
They wouldn't just leave them down here, right?
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He was fading out, and she eased him down, keeping him close to her. Because as much as she wanted to pretend it would still be ok in the morning, who knew what sleep would bring.
Settling his head on her thigh, she stroked her fingers through his hair.
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It felt nice being curled up like this with someone to support him, even if he knew it wouldn't last. Her fingers were so comforting and only aided the process of falling asleep, though he was still able to murmur out:
"I'd want this to be real always..."
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She let her head fall against the wall, eyes closing. This was such a mess. The thought of easing him down and moving away, just in case...and then realized that'd be pointless. It'd upset him, and it wasn't like he was tied down anyway. She'd just try to stay awake...
It wasn't long until the fingers twisting and tangling in his hair stilled, and Katniss was lost to sleep. And the nightmares that came with it.
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Her soothing nature was enough for him tonight when his mind was already so confused, but once he fell asleep his own nightmares took over. He didn't like sleeping. It was the one place he had the least control over what he saw and felt, and even her presence in the real world did not help. There was still so much space between them and it would take a long time to fill it up with the love he once held for her.
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Once again, she woke up screaming and thrashing. Not aware enough to even consider the fact she was curled up next to a time bomb.
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"What?!" He gasped out from his shock, scrambling to get away from her thrashing as he pushed up and away, the chain binding his hands together rattling far too loudly as he did.
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And the fact she'd just undone all of last nights work with a single act.
She was an idiot.
"Peeta...Peeta, it's ok." She said, voice shaky and thick.
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"Y-You... You..."
It's all he could hear now, curling up with his knees to his chest as he pressed his balled up fists to his forehead, trying to breathe normally. Her screaming sounded like it was straight out of his own nightmares, like he had been tortured with it over and over again and it haunted him nightly. He simply hadn't known who to pair the voice to but now he did.
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He wasn't trying to kill her, at least. But what he was doing didn't look much better.
Tentatively she reached out, gently laying her hands on his shoulders. Trying to mimic the position from last night, hoping it calmed him again. Hoping the shaking in her hands didn't undermine the whole thing.
"Peeta?"
((I also have this for you))
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"D-Don't touch me... I'm fine. It's fine."
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Her instinct was to get away, but there wasn't really a lot of away to get to. She she stayed still, like he was a wild animal, and waited.
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The screaming was still vibrating through his mind and he had to tear at some of his hair with his fist, gritting his teeth. He had heard that voice so many times.
"Are you... okay...?" Was the only other thing he managed to force out, not looking at her and still trembling.
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She wanted to reach out and shake him.
"I'm fine. It was just a nightmare."
If she hadn't gotten use to nightmares by now, the rest of her life was going to be hell. It would be, either way.
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look at all the tags I'm ignoring <3
<333 "recreating the came" made me laugh, ngl
...opps. Calm your boner dude.
it's your fault okay
Are you saying I cause boners, peeta.
...... yes, yes I am
psh.
:3
>3
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peeta you failure
there there
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That icon is like the most interesting peeta in the world.
...life ruiner, that is what you are
bwa ha.
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wow I never realized I forgot to tag this :|
there is the other one too bb <3
I tagged that :<
my computer must just be being a butthole and eating tags.
:(
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