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Underground. He hated it. The walls felt too cold and the ceilings too low, the air too stale and the people around him too... confusing. He had no idea who to trust or if he could ever trust anyone again but himself - though even then he doubted himself. There were days when kindness challenged the tumbling mess of memories in his mind full of nightmares and images he was unable to separate from fantasy or reality.

He had lashed out at Katniss more times than he could count and although the shackles strapped to his body at night helped him stay in bed, they did not help him sleep in peace. Why was he even here? Why had they saved him? Especially her... She had looked so happy to see him yet all he could think about was the pain and suffering she had caused so many people.

The violent thoughts had calmed somewhat after the wedding, but they would still poke at his mind every now and then, tempting him. He still trusted no one.

Yet here he was now, guarded constantly and chained, but able to walk out of his room at least. He was headed down a corridor out of the wing that held the hospital rooms, not sure where he was going really... just anywhere that had better air. The guard following close behind was a constant reminder of his current state of mind, though a part of him was whispering that it was probably best like this.

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Looking over at him, she pressed her lips together, considering. Like that was an easy question? If she had a nice, neat answer for how Peeta was important to her, a good chunk of the discord in her personal life could be something she worried about far less.

"It's not that easy a question to answer." Especially when the wrong answer might ruin everything. "You're..."

The only person I trust.

It wasn't true. But he was, maybe the only person she trusted on all front. Though, with what the capitol had done...was became the key phrase. And she didn't think he'd understand that.

"You...before, you knew what we went through. You knew...me. Understood things I couldn't...say." This all sounded stupid, even as she said it, she knew it, but the right words just weren't coming. "We were...safe together. It was the only time we were safe."

"... Safe." He repeats, sounding skeptical but genuinely confused at the same time. How could he have ever felt safe with a person he was supposed to hate? He had brief flashes of dream-like memories about her, of moments together he couldn't comprehend yet felt so real. Is that what she meant? Were those actually true?

Blond brows knit in frustration as he looked downward finally, away from her. He wasn't sure what more to say at that.

Finding a piece of string to play with, she welcomed the silence, before it clicked in her head. He was quite because she'd said something right. And if she just let that go, she might lose whatever sway she had gotten.

Then again, if she said the wrong thing she might lose him. Picking over everything, she tried to find something good, something not...not neutral. Neutral was too passive. But something where she could figure this out a little more.

"Do you remember the night before the quarter quell?"

Silence stretches further a few moments after her question, having to truly think about it.

"What of it?"

She was sure she'd screwed up and said the wrong thing. Blundered this whole mess up. About to try again, his word stopped her.

What of it?

If it wasn't obvious, she didn't know how to explain it. Not wanting to be apart that night, not wanting anything between them, just having their own little world. Like every night on the train, but so much more intense.

"The whole world was just us that night. It...almost made everything ok."

It was difficult to remember details in his current state of mind but something about that particular night was tugging at him to try harder. He remembered snippets of things, of feeling so much and wanting more, of not letting go for hours and hours... He remembered feeling calm with her, feeling... safe, as she had said. He remembered thinking this would be the last time he'd ever get to hold her like this, and knowing it was okay because it meant the sacrifice would mean her survival.

God, it was hurting too much.

There was a flash of something in his eyes as he looked up again; a mixture of confusion and thoughtfulness before it was replaced with sadness. He sunk back down onto the floor, curling into himself.

"How... can that... be real?"

It was hard to resist crawling over to him. Soothing him. To stop herself she dug her nails into her palms, letting the pain keep her in check.

"Because that's...that's how we use to be. It wasn't..." She sighed, pulling her knees close to her chest. "Things weren't perfect between us. I'm not perfect. But they weren't...there was so much good there. It was...so important."

Was she about to cry? No. Not here, not now.

The light pounding in his head is a reminder of his current state. He presses the pads of his thumbs to the bridge of his nose, trying to will the ache away.

His voice is quiet again as he speaks, unsure.

"It hurts when I try to remember."

The fact they would bobby trap his mind from getting better...it didn't surprise him at all.

"...I wish I could help. Remember for you."

She looked up, having no issues now seeing every bit of him in the dim light.

Deep breaths. In. Out. Not that they were really helping at all.

"How is it even possible to mess with someone's mind? How... It doesn't even sound real!"

Did they not explain it all to him? Or was he talking more about how could they even have the ability to do it?

She couldn't hope to touch the second, so she focused on the first.

"They used tracker jacker venom. It's...awful enough without someone manipulating your mind."

He was wondering both, still unable to grasp either side completely. It hurt his brain just thinking about the fact that it was possible, let alone that humans would do this to each other. Then again, who was surprised with the Games having lasted this long?

"They said that here. I heard but I just... I don't get it. Why... How do I know..." It was pointless to keep questioning, wasn't it? The same doubts would linger for as long as he remained stubborn.

"That night you were talking about," he began slowly again, looking up at her. "We were... in your room?" A small detail he needed confirmation for.

That got her attention.

"Yes. My room in the Capitol. In the District 12 penthouse. Effie and Haymitch were both taken away, and we didn't leave each others side. I was afraid, if we did, they'd keep us apart, too."

She realized after that had all poured out that maybe she should let him try to stumble across these things on his own.

It definitely stirred some vague memories he wasn't trying to push away, urges to harm her once again sedated for the time being, but who knew how long that would last? Even if he was supposed to hate Katniss, he didn't enjoy feeling like he wanted to harm anyone. It wasn't... him.

"There was a shower," he brought up, somehow the first clearest memory from that night.

A flush covered her face, and she was glad for the dim lights.

True, she was getting better about not caring so much about nudity. But trying to balance that particular hang up, with not wanting to be apart from Peeta had been a balancing act.

She had even been afriad she'd step into the shower and it'd some how seal her in for the night.

Still she had trust him not to look. And she hadn't. Pretty much.

It took a moment for him to continue but there it was, a slightly sheepish look crossing his features, less hardened now.

"And... you made me stand in the corner the entire time."

She snorted, and then realized maybe that wasn't the best idea.

"Uh. Yeah. I was...very uhm...unsure about nudity."

Since then she had seen too much combat to worry about it. Now it seemed silly to be so hung up on it. Then again, it wouldn't have really changed much. Except where she and Peeta had stood. Well, unless-

-she flushed a little deeper. She wasn't really sure where exactly her mind was trying to go before she stopped it, but she knew it wasn't anything to be thinking about now. Maybe ever. Even if it was giving her that same warm feeling in her guts, the same one as on the beach.

There was something in that which triggered a laugh from him, a genuine one that even surprised Peeta for a moment. Something so simple yet familiar it couldn't be a lie. Katniss wasn't comfortable with nudity and that thought then made him remember Johanna, how her nakedness made Katniss squirm.

You're so... pure.

But perfect for me.

"You only let me step back when I had to actually... wash up. But even then I had to have my eyes shut tight."

He spoke almost daze-like as the memory broke through the barrier of his hijacked state, something else to add to the list of shiny images.

"Ye-yeah."

She gave him a small smile. Maybe...maybe this was working, a bit. If she was getting him laughing...it could be worse.

"You were...very polite about it all."

There had been a level of trust in that moment Peeta couldn't understand in his current state, not only from Katniss but himself as well. Hijacked memories aside, his own mind was trying to suppress the pain of not having that anymore, of knowing it would never be like that again.

"You trusted me."

There was a moment of silence as she considered what she wanted to say next. Turning every word, every tense over in her mind, and how these words would effect...everything. Or how they could.

"You are the person I have trusted most in the world."

He had made a lot of improvement since he was first rescued from the Capitol and brought here, despite flares of this stranger popping up whenever Katniss was around. The constant battle over memories he wasn't sure were real or not was tiring, and he found himself angrier at Coin at the moment for forcing them into this situation than anyone else. Did she really want to get rid of her precious Mockingjay?

Yet even when he thought about hurting Katniss now, he couldn't see himself actually killing her. It was that annoying voice that prodded him in the back of his mind.

"And now you can't anymore... because I'm not him anymore."

"You're not anyone else though, either."

She meant that to be reassuring. But once it was out of her mouth, she wasn't sure it came across quite how she meant it. Looking up, she tried to catch his eyes.

"I mean...you're not...you're still you, too. Just...complicated."

He catches her gaze, not looking away quite yet. "Heh, complicated. I guess that's the nicer way of saying it."

A little calmed down though, he understood what she meant. Sort of. A lot tended to be confusing these days. But Haymitch said he was improving and as long as these temper flares eventually went away, Peeta would be glad.

"It seems like the best one for it."

They were talking. Joking...sort of. And it felt good. better than she expected. She had tried to just seal off how much she cared about Peeta, about being around him.

Which clearly didn't work well.

Paying you back for that teal;dear

I always love it :3

:3

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i never have the appropriate icon

I'll just compliment yours.

that works ;u;

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She wouldn't let them be in seperat rooms. They also showered. Did she make him stare at the corner

Probably... 8|

ilu so much rn.

admit it, you looked at that booty Katniss

guuuuurl look at that body.

|D and ily too~

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